Air Compressor: A machine that converts energy produced 200 miles away into compressed air that travels by hose to an impact wrench that grips nuts tightened 12 years ago in Japan and rounds them off.
Battery Tester: A tool for transferring acid from a car to new jeans.
Drill Press: A power driven machine for snatching materials out of your hand so they knock your coffee cup onto freshly painted projects.
Hand Drill: Makes holes in objects above pipes, etc. Also does random carving on finished surfaces.
Jack: Lowers a vehicle to the ground so it hides a tool you need.
Hacksaw: One of the family of cutting tools operating on the Quija board principle to transform energy into unpredictable motion.
Hammer: Originally a weapon of war, now used to break expensive parts near the object you were trying to hit.
Lawn Mower: A device for strengthening the upper body through repeated pulling motions.
Pipe Cutter: A clamp like device with a rotating wheel used to cut pipe an inch too short.
Pliers: Used to round off bolt heads, and sometimes to drive nails partially in before bending them.
Pry Bar: A basic tool for crumpling material surrounding an object you need to remove.
Screwdriver, Phillips: A metal shaft with a handle, used to make holes in the tops of cans while tipping them over.
Screwdriver, 16 Inch: A prying and gouging tool with a superfluous machined flat section opposite the handle.
Shop Knife: A tool used to open and slice through the contents of cardboard cartons. Work well on boxes containing furniture or clothing.
Sockets: Steel devices that fit over nuts and bolts so they can be turned. Come in two varieties; Metric, which are the ones you find when your working with SAE hardware and Inch which are the ones you can find when working with Metric hardware.
Trouble Light: A light bulb in a cage on a electrical cord, used to illuminate grease buildup and mouse droppings. Also produces heat, then rolls against your cheek.
Vise Grips: In the pliers family, these are used when you have a number of bolt heads to round off. Forgotten on back pockets, they can also emboss car fenders and table tops.
Wire Wheel: Used with a hand drill to remove rust off parts before throwing them under the workbench.